Thursday, May 17, 2018

Angry Times

There is a lot going on in my personal life.  For the last few months, I've been the new specialized bookkeeper at work - working with Masterbuilders, if you're familiar with it.  One day it was basically "Guess what?  You're the new bookkeeper and you still get to remain office manager and there is no immediate raise! Congratulations!"  With a deer in headlights look, I was pretty much like "Well I know what money is and I can write a check.  I know which bank we use.  Credit cards.  Payroll. Progress billing.  I know these words."     Just like that *snap* I was thrown into the pit of specialized bookkeeping.   I was not thrilled then and I'm not thrilled now.

That keeps me in a mildly uncomfortable state of being annoyed.

My dad and uncle have gotten themselves into a HUGE investment mishap.  I won't get into details about it, other than the fact that it's still ongoing and they keep paying the person they "invested" with.  It's probably NOT a good investment if the SEC has been round and round in court with the person/company.

Today is Day 2 when my dad/boss has asked to cash in some hours so he can pay this fraudulent woman.  I feel like an enabler and I do not know what to do.

I first heard about this when I was still in Portland (2012).  My first instinct was "this sounds like a scam, you had better stay away".  It was easy to stay away because I was in a different state.  Parents are super great at guilt-tripping their kids into doing shit.  I moved back to Alaska in Feb 2013.  It took about 2 months of convincing.  Now I feel completely trapped.

I feel like I can't get ahead on things.  I feel like I am trapped.  I need to escape.  I actually feel like I might need to severe ties with my parents until this "investment" thing is over and dealt with.  (NOTE: If you mention that to a sibling, they will tell you that running away is not a good answer.)

I would quit my job, but that's not financially viable at this time.

I have a comic book that I'm writing.  I'm getting the pitch put together while my friend in NYC is getting the sample pages drawn up.  All I can think of is that if I sell this, maybe that can help dig me out of this little hole and I can then move get the fuck out of here.

I'm so stressed out that I'm stress eating food that is not good for me (I try hard not to) and I constantly feel tired and like I'm on the verge of puking.  I don't want to talk to my dad.  I stopped talking to my uncle (he was never really around anyway, so he hasn't really noticed).  I want to punch the investment lady in the face and break her jaw.  I want to slam a coffee mug (not my new one) into someone's face (though I won't because of the headache of the justice system that it would bring on).

I am definitely looking for advice.

This bad investment isn't MY investment.  It really shouldn't be my problem,'s my parent's problem.  When is it okay to distance one's self and be like "it's not my problem"?

Also, I'm okay with pissing people off.  I would love to quit and be like "Dad, only YOU can fix this by cutting ties with that investment lady" -- would he listen?  He hasn't listened when the SEC called him regarding the investment.  YEAH.  CRAZY.  I know.

I try so hard to keep personal drama really low.  Bookkeeping - I'm getting it.  I have notes on how to do things and I have help from two other bookkeepers who know the software, if I need them.  Dad and Uncle's fraud "investment"....I just don't know how to deal with it.

On a more personal note, I've been seeing the doctor to figure out what the fuck is wrong with me.  I workout all the time with zero weight/fat loss.  Turns out that I have super low estrogen and my progesterone level was equivalent to a 65+ woman post-menopausal.  Now I'm on some hormone stuff to get everything back to normal, so I now randomly cry if I get too stressed and I get super moody and shit like that.  It does not help me deal with any sort of drama.  In fact, it leaves me wanting to live in sweat pants and a baggy sweat shirt all the time.


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